He has a way with women...

There is a certain faculty member in the Chemistry Department that can really only accurately be described as completely off his rocker. He spends his days wandering the halls of the department, mumbling incoherently and spilling coffee all over himself. Being that I took a class from this professor, he knows me and seems to have taken a liking to me - which has actually turned out to be a bit of a curse considering his ability to ramble on and on and on...

Today I passed Professor X in the hallway. In an attempt to be friendly, I smiled and waved as I passed.

Nothing.

I thought I had escaped when all of a sudden I hear:

"Oh, Mica! I didn't hardly recognize you. You look like a little girl dressed like that. And, you're short!"

[Polite smile and a nod.] It was about this time when I noticed (a) Professor X's hair looked like he'd just stuck his finger in a light socket (seriously!) and (b) his fly was down...super!

"No, I mean wow, you're really short. You must be, what, only 5'3"? I'd never noticed that. The national average for women is nearly 5'6". Yeah, I didn't know you were so short. And you're usually dressed different. Those clothes make you look like a little girl."

[Smile begins to fade.]

"I once had a girl in my class who was on the Purdue women's basketball team. She was only 5'6" and they always described her as diminutive. But that was only because she played with girls who were well over 6'. And, one time I was taking a flight between Indianapolis and Washington, D.C. - it was on an airline that doesn't exist anymore, I'm sure you haven't heard of it - and we made a stop over in Pittsburgh - that was their hub - and 9 members of the Pittsburgh Pirates baseball team got on the plane. They were big guys, can you imagine how big you'd have to be - how much muscle you'd have to have - to hit a home run? You should try it sometime. No! There were 10 of them, 10 members of the Pirates got on my plane. They were BIG! and they were angry because they had just played an 18 inning game against the New York Giants and lost. Now, I felt diminutive compared to them."

[Smile gone, eyes glazing over.]

"But, that female basketball player wasn't really diminutive, she just looked like it compared to all the other players. And I'm not really diminutive, I just felt like it compared to all those baseball players. But you, you ARE diminutive! And you really look like a little girl today..."

I could continue on with the rest of the conversation, but this post is getting too long as it is. Suffice it to say that we also covered the following topics in reference to my diminutive stature:

1. the Indiana Pacers
2. Southwest Airlines' buy out of US Airways
3. Dachshunds (puppies vs. full grown)
4. the appropriateness of serving beer at a thesis defense
5. shoulder pads

If you can logically connect all of the above topics, be concerned. You may be as crazy as Professor X!