i feel statistically significant

I got an email recently. There is no point trying to describe it. It began:

Hi [my name],

My name is [redacted] and I have no idea if you're the guy I'm looking for.

This is about the point I would quickly dispatch the message to the trash can rubbish bin. For some reason I felt compelled to read on, expecting to learn about (a) a fascinating new cream that could help with a number of possible problems or (b) a sad tale and polite request for all of my banking information. However, what I found was far more disturbing.

I woke up last night with the words "Statistics research counselor [my name]" so clear in my mind that I said them aloud.

Ah hem. What?! Calm down. It's probably still spam. Right?

I've never had anything like this happen before so I decided to put some effort into finding this person. You are one of a very few [my name]s that I've been able to find who seemed to have anything to do with statistics at all - according to the SUMMARY AND PROGRESS REPORT // MASTERING DYNAMICS ON THE ENERGY LANDSCAPE // 22 June 2007.

Start panicking. Now it's clear the email is not spam and this person has gone through some effort to find out about me, even noting a research progress report they found. Yikes. They've done some digging.

So far we know (1) my name and an occupation occurred to them. Fine. They might consider cutting back on politics coverage, or reevaluate their fascination with ``Joe the Plumber'', but still, fine. At least this hasn't happened before. Supposedly. (2) They want to find out more about me. Weird, but also fine. (3) They contacted me with their findings. Ultra-weird. Where is this going?

The only explanation I can deduce for the apparent psychic phenomenon is that I'm currently involved in a very difficult for me to believe but more elaborate contact with what occurs for me as another conscious being.

Huh? Now I know this person is disturbed; their English skills are degrading. What I think this says is: they experienced some sort of psychic phenomenon. They have deduced that it was ``elaborate contact'' with what occurs to them ``as another conscious being''. And such contact is difficult for them to believe.

I know this is all astonishingly far fetched but I'm getting pretty desperate in my attempts to confirm or deny this phenomenon for myself. I would very much appreciate your reply either way - just so I know I reached you. I promise I won't make any further attempt to contact you unless you want me to.

[name redacted]

These last statements don't lessen the weirdness of the email. I'm a little sad that was all. More speculation about the nature of the alien...oh...I mean ``being'', would have been great. Since I was left wanting more, I hoped a polite email would get a response.

Hi [redacted],

My research does involve statistics, in various ways. But in the strictest sense of the term, I'm not a counselor of statistics. Honestly, I don't know if your experience was contact with another conscious being or why such a being would give you my name. Seeking out answers is an understandable response. Unfortunately, I would need you to tell me how I can help. Best of luck in this endeavor.

Best wishes,
[my name]

It took some will power to hold back my actual statistical advice: I'm not the person they're looking for and the only ``elaborate contact'' they've had is with the random firing of neurons in their brain, the fully functioning ones anyway.